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Welp, nothing shows up in Moba when I turn it on. So I think I'm over it at this point. At least I will be after I glue this board to a clay pigeon. No, this calls for tannerite. Thanks for all your efforts @royk!

@royk I haven't had a chance to track down all my arduino stuff, it must have gotten mixed into the giant bin of drone FCs/PCBs. New serial adapter coming tomorrow. I've always just used Windows to flash SD's w/Etcher. Except I used OPi's SDtool or whatever for the Android flashes. Arm flash I've been using is: Armbian_23.02.2_Orangepi5_jammy_legacy_5.10.110_cinnamon_desktop I'll wait and see what I can read from the serial. When I couldn't find my board, I figured I'd just try out your solution since everything you described made logical sense based on all the criterion. I did notice however, that I only pulled 1.6V @ PIN 8... I've typically used a 5V/3A power supply and never had any issues. Could underpowering the SPI prevent me from resetting it maybe?

Damn. No dice. I really appreciate the responses @royk. I'll try a few more times when I recover some of my patience.

Ok thanks so much @royk. So I'm only shorting across those 2 pins, not shorting them to ground, yeah?