SOLUTION:
Apparently the kernel was compiled with nftables support, but not actually NF_TABLES_IPV4, NF_TABLES_IPV6, NF_TABLES_ARP ... NF_TABLES_INET so basically you can create tables but they can't actually *DO* anything.
This seems like a bug, and someone should look into it. Where can I report it? Also how do I compile my own kernel with these enabled on this little board? Is there a HOWTO for recompiling kernels on Armbian?