Answering my own question: https://github.com/intel/libva/pull/332 is enlightening on the situation with the v4l2-request library. As stated in the pull request, gstreamer works with v4l2 now so the pressing need for va-api support is gone, and it looks like the v4l2-request library needs substantial revising to support the VA-API framework.
If an Armbian user wishes to push on with va-api on Rockchip and hantro, they will have to apply the patch on that pull request to a libva source, and compile the hantro-h264 ndufresne branch. Even then, entrypoints probably still won't emerge for use by applications: mjhammel followed these steps and applied this patch but still couldn't unlock hantro. The cedrus boards may have more luck, there seems to have been more work on those and v4l2-request in recent months.
Common uses for libva include video stream hardware decoding; reports are that the h264ify extension for Vivaldi may work but I'm having stability issues with that browser and the panfrost DRM driver. That's probably just an rk3288 thing though. At least I got Widevine working but the arm64 people are out of luck at present, which rules out paid streaming services.
For my own use case, I am pushing on with moonlight-embedded which has a Gstreamer branch. Good luck with VPU acceleration in the 5.x series!